it’s a wild ride with the Kiefer

My friend Matt and I watched the Kiefer’s season six premiere together
via im. Whew!

 ———————- 6:50 pm ———————-
frarochvia: I’m parked in front of the tv
frarochvia: Ready for the Kiefer
 ———————- 6:59 pm ———————-
insaneraph: *prepares for Jackgasm*
frarochvia: Eric Balfour! WOOHOO!
frarochvia: Whoa!
 ———————- 7:05 pm ———————-
frarochvia: Milo! *drool*
insaneraph: Chloe! *drool*
insaneraph: Bzzt *ack*
frarochvia: Milo is amazing with his hair
frarochvia: The action is amazingly fast so far
insaneraph: Certainly started with a bang
frarochvia: Yeah
frarochvia: Wayne’s the president? wow
frarochvia: Nooooo! No guns on the Kiefer!
insaneraph: Curtis!   Bill!
frarochvia: The Kiefer! Oooo! He’s tortured. Poor guy.
frarochvia: His hand… Ooh.
frarochvia: You’ll have to tell me if he sounds hoarse
insaneraph: nothing yet
frarochvia: I know
frarochvia: Poor Kiefliciousness
frarochvia: Whoa.
insaneraph: quiet, not too hoarse
frarochvia: Mm
frarochvia: Damn
insaneraph: damn
insaneraph: All he needs is jeans, shirt, and his man bag
frarochvia: *laughs*
frarochvia: Fucking intense
 ———————- 7:18 pm ———————-
insaneraph: Ooooo
frarochvia: Bitch fight!
 ———————- 7:21 pm ———————-
frarochvia: *drools copiously at the sight of Eric Balfour*
insaneraph: Question is how did he keep that muscle mass under torture?
frarochvia: Indeed.
frarochvia: He sorta looks like Forrest Gump with his shirt like that
insaneraph: I think the time frame is two years later
insaneraph: snerk
frarochvia: No, it’s definitely 2 years later
frarochvia: The Kiefer is depressed
insaneraph: Laf, you weren’t only one to say Forrest Gump
frarochvia: Who else said it?
insaneraph: Also from fark:  Hi Jack, you’re hosed.  Unless you pull this out of your ass.  Good luck.
frarochvia: Blah blah angst. Shut up, Wayne.
insaneraph: Dude has a mad on about Jack dying
frarochvia: As if it was news
frarochvia: Fracas! Dissent!
frarochvia: Depressed Forrest Kiefer
frarochvia: Yeah
frarochvia: Angst! Shut up, Bill!
frarochvia: Today is a good day to die!
insaneraph: snerk
frarochvia: Worf Kiefer
insaneraph: Work that neck pinch
frarochvia: That’s our Kiefer, with the death wish we know and love.
insaneraph: Tempted to put 24 in my game rental queue
frarochvia: Why not
insaneraph: It supposedly didn’t do so hot, but I’ll give it a try
insaneraph: Prudential commercial was open captioned.  Odd.
frarochvia: Yeah? Weird
frarochvia: Not that I’d have noticed either way
 ———————- 7:31 pm ———————-
frarochvia: Deathwish Kiefer!
insaneraph: Be glad you can’t hear that ;p
frarochvia: Streotypical racial violence!
frarochvia: Shut up racial stereotyping. Where’s the Kiefer?
frarochvia: No mistakes! The Kiefer must die! So sayeth the Bill!
insaneraph: snort
insaneraph: Go Brit guy
frarochvia: He’s a brit?
insaneraph: Accent, at least
frarochvia: Forrest Deathwish Kiefer!
insaneraph: Jack go splat?
frarochvia: See Kiefer.  See Kiefer perpwalk.  Forrest Kiefer Forrest.
frarochvia: *laughs*
frarochvia: Wtf kind of run/walk was that
insaneraph: Dude, bad guy rule #1.  You have the good guy at your mercy, WASTE HIM!
frarochvia: Aw. He’s bloody and it’s only been 37 minutes.
frarochvia: Yeah, no kidding
insaneraph: Uh oh
insaneraph: Bad Brit boy
frarochvia: They’re on to him already?
insaneraph: yup
frarochvia: *dies again from the Eric Balfour cute*
frarochvia: Umbelievably cute Eric Balfour. *purrrrrrr*
insaneraph: Chloe and Morris are FUBARED
frarochvia: What was the subtitle?
insaneraph: missed
insaneraph: clock I think
frarochvia: Me too
frarochvia: No it wasnt
frarochvia: She spoke in arabic
insaneraph: was looking here
frarochvia: Captions helpfully told me that right on top of the subtitle
frarochvia: Chloe, the Kiefer, he must die. So sayeth the Bill.
 ———————- 7:42 pm ———————-
insaneraph: Fark:  Chloe is sad!  Bill is mad!  Morris is bad?
frarochvia: *laughs*
frarochvia: Chloe, why do you hate America? Let the Kiefer die!
insaneraph: Subtitles were “Where’s your honor?”
frarochvia: Thanks
frarochvia: I thought there was no honor amongst terra-ists and government employees
frarochvia: Bill: the Kiefer is not dead yet! Dammit!
insaneraph: “Say, wanna get dinner tonight?”
frarochvia: Awwwwww,  half shirted Kiefer. Not so much with the Forrest anymore.
frarochvia: Ooooo. Torture.  So. It’s to be torture.
insaneraph: eep
insaneraph: Didn’t we do this in the third season already?
frarochvia: Yeah, I was just thinking that. Don’t you mean season 2?
frarochvia: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
insaneraph: whatever ;p
frarochvia: *shudders*
insaneraph: ow
frarochvia: Season 2 was naked torture Kiefer
frarochvia: You need to tell me what kind of screaming it was
insaneraph: NYARGH!
insaneraph: As such
frarochvia: The bad man is speechifying.
frarochvia: Ooooooooooo
frarochvia: The Kiefer has just learned his death will be meaningless.
frarochvia: Wuh woh.
insaneraph: *twitch*
frarochvia: *fans self* Eric! Call me!
insaneraph: Someone is about to go boom
insaneraph: Naturally, it’ll be the wrong person
frarochvia: Yep.
frarochvia: Of course. Because it’s hour 1.
frarochvia: Hee.
frarochvia: *shudder*
insaneraph: Saved by the dickwad
frarochvia: *lets breath out*
frarochvia: The Kiefer! Escape!
frarochvia: Oh frell. The innocent guy wasn’t innocent.
insaneraph: blink
insaneraph: And whitebread family going boom
frarochvia: I so did NOT see that coming
frarochvia: The Kiefer!
frarochvia: He’s getting feisty.
insaneraph: DUDE
 ———————- 7:52 pm ———————-
frarochvia: And possibly vampireish.
frarochvia: DUUUUUUUUDE
insaneraph: He’s a vampire again!!!
frarochvia: *laughing*
frarochvia: Wow, I guess the Kiefer is a lost boy, not a Forrest
insaneraph: Entire fark: VAMIPRE JACK!
frarochvia: Took the Kiefer 52 minutes to get his groove back
frarochvia: *fans self*
insaneraph: Jack’s loose, we likely have a barrage of copter missiles coming down on suburbia, oh yeah
frarochvia: I should be creeped out and stuff but mostly I’m all duuuuuuuuuude
insaneraph: Meanwhile, Ghost Rider?  NICHOLAS CAGE???
frarochvia: With a good side of Eric Balfour. Mmmmm.
frarochvia: Oh that was Nicholas Cage? Wtf
frarochvia: Ack! There’s dead President Palmer!
frarochvia: Not to be confused with dread pirate Roberts
insaneraph: snort
insaneraph: And now, five minutes of bullshit ;p
frarochvia: Five minutes of breathing.
frarochvia: Shut up, commercials. I need Eric or the Kiefer now. *twitch*
insaneraph: Fark: That makes up for the lack of Jack Kill, quality over quantity
insaneraph: Oooer
frarochvia: *laugh*
frarochvia: Definitely quality
frarochvia: Stay strong, Kiefer!
insaneraph: Blood is a good breakfast, high in iron and vitamins
frarochvia: *laughs*
frarochvia: That’s what you get for doing the bad guy speech. Duh!
frarochvia: Eric Balfour is a cast member! Eric! CALL ME!
frarochvia: *whimpers*
insaneraph: Ooo, Bashir is in here
frarochvia: He is?
insaneraph: Yup
frarochvia: I didn’t see Alexander Siddig in the credits but I got distracted
insaneraph: During the coming out run by
frarochvia: Poor scarred Kiefer
frarochvia: Point Bashir out ok
insaneraph: if I recognise him
 ———————- 8:02 pm ———————-
frarochvia: Try not to sound too happy, Wayne
frarochvia: You should have seen him, Karen
frarochvia: Kill the Kiefer! Kill the Kiefer!
frarochvia: Crap. He’s gonna try to save Assad
frarochvia: Oh, Kiefer.
insaneraph: Oh you’re fucking kidding me ;p
frarochvia: Hm?
insaneraph: This is so gonna fucking rock ;p
frarochvia: Yup
frarochvia: Shut up, american dupe.
frarochvia: The Kiefer! Kick ass!
frarochvia: Run Kiefer run!
insaneraph: That’s Bashir I think
frarochvia: Limping terrorist. Obviously a bad guy.
insaneraph: or not
frarochvia: No, it wasn’t
frarochvia: Shut up aerial soldier.
frarochvia: Bashir!
insaneraph: He’s Assed
insaneraph: er Assad
frarochvia: *laughs*
insaneraph: damn my typing
frarochvia: Yell, Kiefer, yell!
frarochvia: No love like terra-ist love
frarochvia: Shoot! Shoot!
frarochvia: Or kidnap, kidnap, that works for me too.
frarochvia: Mmmmmm destruction
 ———————- 8:12 pm ———————-
frarochvia: Exciting!
insaneraph: One missle?  What happened to our honorable tradition of bombing back to the stone age?
frarochvia: *laugh* well it’s Los Angeles. You don’t want to go too overboard.
insaneraph: Like LA will notice
frarochvia: Hahahahahahaha
insaneraph: “I didn’t know they were filming here!”
frarochvia: Ah, this is true.
frarochvia: Brings new meaning to a furious thunder.
insaneraph: I’m still amazed at Hugh Laurie in House.  I’ve nearly wet myself watching him do comedy
frarochvia: Yeah?
insaneraph: And he’s British, but does a flawless american accent
frarochvia: Commander Lock!
frarochvia: Oh!
frarochvia: Burrrrrrn
insaneraph: Ooo, playing the David card
frarochvia: That guy is Commander Lock from the Matrix
insaneraph: Ooo, yup
insaneraph: Oooo
frarochvia: Kiefer is not dead! Assad is not dead! Our day is ruined!
frarochvia: Hey it’s the patented red terra-ist van from season 1!
 ———————- 8:24 pm ———————-
insaneraph: Fark:  Just a kiss on the cheek?  If I was gonna die for someone I’d expect at least buttsex
frarochvia: *laughs*
frarochvia: they’re saving themselves for Kiefer
frarochvia: For you know, an uh, love bite.
frarochvia: Kiefertime!
frarochvia: Terrorists prefer uhaul.
frarochvia: Awwwww
frarochvia: Kiefer is ashamed.
insaneraph: What, never saw scars before? ;p
frarochvia: Yeah, I know. Mmm man-love
frarochvia: Chloe is glad! Bill is mad!
insaneraph: Morris, though, IS HE BAD?
frarochvia: *laughs*
insaneraph: snerk
frarochvia: Oh Kiefer.
insaneraph: Ow
frarochvia: I guess being tortured doesn’t make him chary of torturing.
frarochvia: Aw
insaneraph: I think it’s like you need to be tasered or pepper sprayed
before being allowed to use it
frarochvia: *laugh*
insaneraph: OW
frarochvia: Where did Assad put the knife?
frarochvia: Oh, Kiefer.
insaneraph: Knee, or worse
frarochvia: Damn.
frarochvia: Well, there’s our unholy alliance.
insaneraph: So, how does one properly put a body in a uhual so it doesn’t flop around?
frarochvia: *laughs*
 ———————- 8:34 pm ———————-
frarochvia: Strapping probably comes in handy. Extra charge, though.
insaneraph: Maybe it works better in quantity
insaneraph: You know, have them all pressing against each other
frarochvia: That sounds vaguely sensual.
insaneraph: heh
insaneraph: “Jack!  Twist my nipples!  PLEASE!”
frarochvia: *laughs*
insaneraph: I want magic deleting OS
frarochvia: Hanky panky!
frarochvia: Dude, no kidding.
frarochvia: Wow, she confessed to her crime
frarochvia: That was fun
frarochvia: If exceedingly brief.
insaneraph: Fark: Hi, FedEx here.  Package for Mr. Jack Bauwa from China.  I think it’s your balls.  Sign here please.
frarochvia: Snerk
insaneraph: uh oh
insaneraph: Magic wall package
frarochvia: That’s never good
frarochvia: Ow!
frarochvia: Ow some more!
frarochvia: Gun! Should have seen that coming, american dupe.
insaneraph: I think self defense covers this
frarochvia: I agree, even if he’s a terrorist
insaneraph: OW
frarochvia: Whoa!
frarochvia: Ooooo.  Bitter over his name much?
insaneraph: Dammit, does Jack have to save the whiny kid again?
frarochvia: He’s exceeded his quota
frarochvia: I vote no. Let the whiny kid die!
insaneraph: Everyone on Fark wants Behrooz to show up and start capping ass ;p
 ———————- 8:44 pm ———————-
frarochvia: *laughs*
frarochvia: Duuuuuude.
frarochvia: I want Shohreh Aghdashloo!
insaneraph: I’m waiting for Ms. pardoned three frigging times already to show up
frarochvia: Who’s that?
frarochvia: Oh
frarochvia: Nina
frarochvia: She’s dead!
insaneraph: oh?
frarochvia: She died in season 3
frarochvia: Kiefer accidentally executed her a few times. Blam blam!
insaneraph: Must have my characters mixed
frarochvia: By accidentally I mean except not, of course
frarochvia: Terrorist dude, you just don’t understand Kiefer’s death wish.
insaneraph: Mandy, that’s who I’m thinking of
frarochvia: Aha!
frarochvia: Mandy’s still alive, as far as I know
frarochvia: Nina’s very dead. Sherry’s very dead.
insaneraph: But yah, want Mandybitch to show up and set Jack off ;p
frarochvia: Whoa, wait, how did Assad get a car?
insaneraph: “I want immunity!” “Immune this…”
frarochvia: Mandy and Kiefer in a bathroom, KISSING
frarochvia: And stuff.
frarochvia: And 1 hour 50 minutes before Kiefer took out the federal agent mojo
frarochvia: Fight! Fight!
frarochvia: Awesome
insaneraph: dude
frarochvia: I liked that
frarochvia: Milo!
frarochvia: *fans self*
insaneraph: Okay, where’s our second hour twist/cliffhanger
frarochvia: Word
frarochvia: Here it is.
insaneraph: “Whoops.”
frarochvia: That’s not a twist. We knew that. Shut up, angst.
 ———————- 8:55 pm ———————-
frarochvia: Ya think!?! It’ll get worse? Only a tiny bit.  Maybe some mustard on your shirt from here on.
frarochvia: No twist. Booooooo.
insaneraph: Fark: So, the team of Jack and Assad will be known as
Jackass
frarochvia: *laughs*
insaneraph: Also fark:  Jack shoulda punched bomb dude out the door, turned, and said “NO TICKET!”
frarochvia: *laughs*  I love it.
insaneraph: From an Indy Jones movie ;p
frarochvia: Come on. Shut up, commercials.
insaneraph: But still perfectly applicable
frarochvia: I know.  The crusade one
frarochvia: Less commercials. More Kiefer.  Come on.
frarochvia: A prisoner transport?
insaneraph: Uh oh, big ass boom coming
frarochvia: A stunning ending changes everything? But it doesn’t end tomorrow
frarochvia: Mmm. Fun fun.  Can’t wait for tomorrow.