six
29 March 2007Six. Six months is a long time. Isn’t it? I miss her intensely at times still, even to the point of tears. She was a good soul, a good cat, a very good baba. The best baba I knew.
Gone.
I don’t know if the decision was perfectly timed or if I went about things the right way. It doesn’t matter. It was what it was. She was my little girl, and she wasn’t going to let go easily, even as sick as she was.
She was seventeen. I wish I could only remember her as we lived life together, and not think of her last few weeks. Of our last few weeks.
She was my little girl. And I was her human.
And when I miss her most, I think of her and I nestled together in bed.
It never felt more right than in these moments, as she pressed into me and as I held onto her and drank in her presence, the sensation of her soft warm wildly purring body pressing against mine.
This picture was of us together in my first apartment, in 1998. I can’t believe that was nine years ago already.
I just… I wish it had been more. That she had been my little girl for ninety years.
I would not trade a moment of our lives together for anything. She was my best friend when I was small, and she was my roommate as an adult. I am still finding ways in which she had had a part in my life. A thousand little opportunities to feel the loneliness, to feel the loss. To feel what she meant to me.
To feel the ache.
But still I hold the emptiness to my heart and cherish it, because that is the price.
I love her as intensely as I did six months ago. The tears fall as freely. I know how lucky I am. How so lucky I am.
To love like that.
She was definitely a CAT. It’s different from other cats in that some cats you spend a lifetime with, and you love them of course, but there’s just some cats that completely wrap themselves into your heart and life, and you’re never the same again.
I remember when we were driving to SC, and we had picked up Baba from your mother’s. At one point you dozed off for awhile with her on your lap, and she was dozing too, forepaws stretched out in front of her. Wish I could have gotten a picture at the time.
I remember when I would visit in DC, I’d go around and say hi to Matisse and Picasso, who would greet you at the door, then take the time to go over to where Baba was napping, and give her a very gentle scritch hello. She’d be a little grumpy about getting attention, but you could tell she appreciated it.
*hug*
I am so sorry to hear of your loss of such a sweet kitty. It never really leaves, and especially when you are feeling so unwell lately, it must hurt doubly not to have her at your side. Again, I am so sorry.
I want to wish Picasso a happy birthday and I hope that celebrating his day brought a little cheer into your life. Though not the problem that you have, my sinuses have been driving me crazy, and I can appreciate your wanting to feel well and good and strong. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh my GOODNESS! A baby Baba! So cute!
I never got to meet her for real, but I knew her so well from what you said about her, that I miss her too.
Aw, such a pretty catchen. I feel pretty much the same way about Sheba.
Lovely picture.