Today the gramma and I are driving across Illinois to see my surgeon, the one who did my original surgery 10 years ago. I had made an appointment to see him for a while from now, but he was so worried about the infection he called me yesterday to ask me to come in ASAP.
And so we are.
The yarn above? I’ll post about that later. But it is pretty much how I feel right now…
Catloaves, please!
More frightening organization to share with you today, boys and girls. I’m sorry.
Today, we’ll visit my linen closet, which is, as the title of the post says, one pretty much in name only. OTHER people pile unorganized jumbles of linens in theirs. I… well, I don’t.
The lower part of the closet has sixteen (that number again!) small plastic drawers, all carefully labeled of course. My pharmacy resides here, as does my hearing aid, random glasses, all the camera stuff, the game boy stuff, and many many other things. In nicely sorted drawers. Yes.
Above it is the area that Matisse keeps trying to get into, because he thinks he can fit into the baskets. Take it from me - no. Just… no. He doesn’t.
At the top of the closet is the shelf of towels, oh, how artistic! And then below that, my books. Hm. Let’s take a closer look at these…
Do you think the Rebecca has a small interest in organization? And in interior design?
This is the shelf where little things go… including my buttons! And my circular needles!
I’m sorry if I’ve deeply frightened you. Just think, there’s one more closet to go.
There’s nothing quite like the pleasure of having a passel of buttons in every color of the rainbow, each carefully organized and sorted.
I saw it coming, I did, and yet I hoped. I wanted to be wrong. Needed to be wrong.
So much pain lately. The infection, back, in full force. Another antibiotic course that will help for a little while.
I know I need more specialized treatment. I know the problem is much more serious than a simple sinus infection. I know one or both of my right upper jaw metal plates are infected. I know that the longer this goes on, the worse the underlying problem gets. I understand that.
And yet.
Fear.
I experienced this same fear ten years ago, before my maxillofacial surgery that broke my jaws in eight places. Jigsaw puzzle. So much fear. Fear of the surgery, of the pain. Of being so fundamentally rearranged.
In that surgery, one of the legacies of the accident, I received four metal plates and a latex allergy.
I’ve thought about it more than a few times, the stark reality that if not for the accident, then not the plates. And if not the plates, then not this.
That kind of thinking is destructive and damaging. Useless.
And yet.
I’m afraid.
I fear being opened up again. I have had many operations and procedures, and I am no stranger to the terror and unreality of waiting, and the waking up afterwards, newly opened, pain-racked, and sleepy.
I should have never sworn that I would never face another jaw operation again. By far the worst procedure of my life, and I don’t know, right at this moment, infected and in pain, if it had all been worth it.
Choices made once. Choices rexamined ceaselessly.
Everyone dies alone. Everyone suffers alone.
I feel so alone.
I dig down deep within, and peel open the layers, the fears, the realities. Searching for myself. Searching for courage.
Searching for faith. Any kind of reassurance that someday I will not be on borrowed time. That the next choice will not have such terrible and unforeseen consequences.
Of course, it’s so simple. Have a problem, treat it, move on.
But that’s how I got here, that’s how I’m at this point.
It warms my heart to have a carefully organized closet.
I know it’ll either turn you on or terrify you. I love it. I love its orderliness, its labeledness…. And how the baskets on top solve the problem of having sixteen baskets and how best to use them. That space perfectly accomodates all sixteen, which is wonderful, and displays yarn, which I don’t have to tell you, is even more wonderful. The drawers hold my handknits and my sheets and my casual clothing (Yes. I have that little casual clothing. I am many things, but casual is not one of them.)
The closet width is perfect. Every top I have is hung up, every bottom I have is hung to the right, outside of view. Four laundry hampers, two storage boxes.
Pretty enough to leave open.
I don’t normally really care for cards. They’re not things I feel sentimental about, because rarely do they hit me in the sweet spot. These three cards, on the other hand? Are awesome! I wanted to share them with you.
The bar’s been set high for next time! I wonder if there’s a card out there, with a catchen, yarn, AND a cupcake?
Chris is super-duper-duper amazing! What a birthday box she sent me…
Two skeins of Classic Elite Paintbox, which reminds me of the Colinette Point Five, a yarn I’ve always wanted to try. Of course, now I’m not sure what to do with this…
But there’s Bonne Marie’s Point Five recipe, or there’s this cute little lace cropped sweater in the Winter Vogue that calls for Point Five… and the LYS has the same yarn in the same colorway, so that’s actually a possibility. I’m kind of entranced by the idea of a funky sweater. I’m not sure. I love this colorway, because it’s sort of like a Chris and a Rebecca all in one, with our shared love for black and my pink and her purple.
This is pretty spifftastic stuff, from the folks at Running Wild Yarn. This is the handpainted Paint Brush colorway, at about a sock weight, and I can see doing either a pair of socks, or maybe a chevron scarf used along with another colorway. I’m not sure. I’m still in the petting stage.
Pink Koigu. Two mill end skeins, enough for half a pair of socks. Accordingly, I’m thinking that I’ll combine it with black and then make a pair of socks with that. Pink toes and heels and cuffs! That’s kind of a trend, but I’ll get into that later. I did try to combine brown with the pink but the pink said BITE and the brown said whimper. So.
This one cracks me up, especially that title! How appropriate….
I also found in the package this pouch thing, in the shocking color combination of PINK and BLACK. Never saw that one coming… Inside, there’s zippered slots and open ones, and I definitely see using this on my next trip, much better than my 30 little plastic containers.
There also might have been chocolate, but I’m not sure. 
Chris also included a Sitcom Chic she’d knit in blue Lion Brand Cotton Ease. Dude, this sweater rocks!
And!
An IKEA octopus hanging rack just like hers… oooh. Do I love it? What do the socks tell you?!
What about the catchen?
The Picasso recieved a fillup on his mousies…
And thanks Chris for her thoughtfulness in including this. He loved this so very much and was moved. *pounce!*
And? The Matisse was not forgotten!
Chris? You rock hard. Hard hard hard. THANK YOU FOR YOU. You made my day!
Huggiebear sent me a few things from the Knit Happens drop-dead sale.
KOIGU. What more is there to say, except KOIGU. KOIGU in Tiphanie-irritating and Rebecca-happifying colors. She says PEEP I say YUM. They remind me of azaleas.
Artyarns Supermerino color #108, enough for a pair of knee highs! Worsted weight knee highs. I’m thinking about a contrast color, for the cuffs/heels/toes… purple or blue, you think?
Artyarns Supermerino #111, enough for a normal pair of socks. Contrasts are clearly needed, as we saw with the bonus socks. Red? Blue? Brown? I confess I can’t wait to cast on for these, despite the fact they’re not to be knitted until June at the earliest.
Artyarns Supermerino #110, enough for knee highs again. I’m thinking these need the purple for the contrast color.
Artyarns Supermerino #109. The darker purple-blue, don’t you think?
Contrast contrast contrast colors colors colors!
And an amazing fourteen skeins of yarn… all for me! I’ve already started the Koigu pair, a happy plain stockinette picot hem cuff-down pair. mmmmmmmmmmmm.
I know, a long time ago, Scout mentioned wanting to see everyone’s tattoos. Scout, this is mine! It’s on my right second toe. Admittedly, it was inked 18 months before I lost my right big toenail, but I digress. TATTOO! I like it. It’s based on my favorite ring. A lot of people seem to initially think it is actually a toe ring as opposed to a tattoo, which is just fine with me, thank you.
And my toe doesn’t hurt anymore, honest. Unless you drop something, anything, on it. Then it REALLY hurts. But other than that? Honestly, life sans toenail is better than it was with toenail.
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