Barry Mainlow, I apologize

Because this sock? Is my Barry Mainlow sock.

Why?

Because it’s so ugly it’s kind of cute.

I think so, anyway. It’s made with Knit Picks Memories in the discontinued-for-probably-good-reason Mesa colorway. Knit Picks Memories yarn is unbelievably soft to knit and handle… I know though that this means it’ll pill and such soon… and I’m ok with that, even though this is meant to be a walking pair of socks.

I’m sorry, I just couldn’t face a full height pair of socks in this color.

I went opposites on this sock, as you can see. Hemmed plain stockinette cuff, and ribbed instep. The contrast amuses me, even more so because the idea of the socks themselves were inspired by ms stitch-n-snitch’s Nancy Drew socks. Really! Can you say almost but not quite completely unalike her socks? Knew you could. But it’s true! Absolutely true.

I admit my favorite part of the sock is the heel turn. These perfect little fat stripes! I’m so… easily amused. And then that heel flap! The stripes! The mottling! The texture!

It’s a pity the rest of the sock is… kind of really ugly. I’m not sure what throws off this sock exactly, but it’s off somehow. Definitely off enough that people who normally gush at the things I show them? The light dies in their eyes, and an awkward silence ensues, before I leap in and say, it’s ok, it’s ugly. I know it is.

And the gramma said, “it’s not that bad.” Which, really? Same thing.

I promise I’ll make a second one. As soon as I find the yarn for it. It’s around here somewhere.

mayday

Is there anything more maddening than a sock pattern that will not cooperate? Mostly because of your own ineptness? Yes.

More maddening is the inability to simply give up. To say, screw this, I’m gonna knit something else. A smarter saner person would have, I’m guessing.

But I am not that smart or sane.

The first lesson took me a few iterations of the first row to do. Viz: how to count. And more importantly, how “make one” doesn’t mean “knit one then make one”. I knew that. I swear I did. But for some reason it took me a half hour for that small yet salient truth to reach my brain.

The second lesson? Took 1728 stitches to sink in. I was doing the double decreases all wrong. And thus the only options were to frog, set it on fire, or to start over with another yarn.

I thought about setting it on fire. Because I was so mad at the sock. As if it’d been the offender, see. As opposed to….. um. Me. My dumbassery.

Did problems go away when I decided to switch yarns?

Are you kidding?

Armed with a yummy yummy worsted yarn, Artyarns Supermerino #109, I mangaged to knit an entire 24 row repeat. Without errors. Stupendous, right? Except the whole thing was too small to pass over my heel easily.

Bye bye.

Try again. But don’t frog the whole thing, just the pattern stitches, keep the cuff.

Bet you can see where THAT was going…

Knit half of the chart. Realize the cuff is entirely too small. Because you keep trying it on and going hmmm, this is tight. Are you sure you’ll like this, self? Frog the WHOLE thing. Sigh deeply.

And start over. I’m on row 4 of the chart, right? Grooving along. It’s the process it’s the process it’s the process it’s the process.

No stinking pattern is gonna get the best of me. I swear it. I swear it.

Right.

Except when I gave up. Because? By row 20 I somehow mangaged to have one side on an entirely different row repeat than the other side.

I give up.

Give me a stockinette sock.

Are you there, yarn? It’s me, Rebecca

I’d been seriously questioning my knitting mojo recently. I love stockinette, I do, I do, but would I ever knit something else?

Apparently, not lately.

But at least you can do fun things with stockinette. Like make ruffles! Crazy ruffles. On hand-dyed pink yarn that Chris gifted me. That I turned into a neckwarmer. Because heck. Even I couldn’t screw that up!

One end is demure and plain. The other end is crazy and ruffled. It’s almost like two neckwarmers in one! Or something. Or maybe I ran out of yarn. I’ll never tell. Truthfully though, I folded in the neckwarmer so it’s double thickness, but decided not to join the ends together permanently, just in case I wanted to stretch it longer to go over my nose or something… you never know.

One more thing in my winter supplies box, check! And yes, I’d wear the ruffles tucked in. But it’ll be my secret.

hope in a jar

This will sound weird, but it’s a revelation for me… an affirmation perhaps. Or a reminder. The pain waxes and wanes. Comes and goes. If (when) it comes back after you declare yourself painfree, it’s not a failure. It’s not necessarily a step back. Recovery is a process. Just one big giant process.

You know, like with knitting, with the tinking and the frogging and the forward progress.

The weight loss (happily) continues apace, and I’ve finally been able to wear something other than that now-way-too-big pair of army green cropped pants I bought from Old Navy for 99 cents. I wore them almost every day for three months… I think I got my money’s worth, thank you.

Of course, the sleeping lately has been ridiculous. I can sleep on the sofa without even trying, a skill that normally eludes me. And the walking, I’m walking. Finally. Not yet doing the early-morning walking that I really should be doing, I don’t yet feel well enough to have that much go power that early. But walking. I’m walking. I was able to walk a couple miles today without too much trouble. And that’s good.

Smelling? What a revelation. Did you know that rain smells muddy? I didn’t, not before yesterday. I don’t even remember the last time I had a sense of smell; it eluded me for a decade. Maybe two. Muddy and clean and loamy and sweet. That’s the smell of rain at the apartment.

The flower at the top? That’s from my grandfather’s rose bush. He’s been gone almost two years now, and yet, this bush, it persists. Thrives. It’s the order of things, after all. Hope, in a jar.

it’s the little things

Improvement.

Small word.

Subtle difference.

I feel better. The pain is mostly gone. A stitch, for the most part. Soreness. The swelling has gone down considerably.

I wish I was fine, you know? But I am so much better.

Just still weak, still tired, still easily winded.

But thirty days later? I know it all was worth it.

One year three months two weeks and five days.

And the end? Is somewhere in sight. I can feel it. Not today, but soon.

Healing, Again

Thanks everyone for your well wishes! I’ve got a giant hole in my jaw now. Well, feels like it anyway. It got cauterized so it’d heal into something other than a hard painful lump of scar tissue. Can we say GRUMP.

I’m surprised at the level of interest over yesterday’s picture – it’s my tonal red into brown dyed yarn, in the Paddington Bear colorway. Look for it… sometime soon. I’ve been taking it easy, but I admit it’s frustrating to keep things under wraps so long!

I completely think SUPERMEOW limericks are necessary for healing, don’t you? I still need to contact (and mail out) all the prizes for the last contest, I know, and I thank you for your patience as I’ve been flattened by this whole thing. But come on, I’ll toss out a contest prize, for a good limerick or three! One limerick per comment, please. Contest ends at midnight CDT, Friday, June 8.

assessment

I’m not sure why I’m as upset as I am. I mean, I knew I wasn’t feeling 100% yet, and I just needed more time to get better.

The pain I was having? The run down feeling I was having?

Abscessed incision.

One more round of antibiotics.

*bangs head on nearest object*

The stitches didn’t dissolve fast enough. I should just throw out a shingle: Rebecca, expert infunktionist.

So that would be why it hurts more than it “should” right now. You think?

Five more days, to give the antibiotics more time, then a re-assessment.

I can assess me fine just now, though. One Rebecca, very ready for this to be over.

stitches

I’m getting a jumpstart on June’s socks, if only because I can’t find the yarn for the other half of my ankle socks, and besides soothing stockinette is a balm to my soul right now. I’d already knit the first half of the pair way back in February…. that’s a long time to go without casting on for the second sock, especially for me. But simple stockinette toe-up socks, I can handle that.

I’d already sewn on the picot hem on the first sock, but you know what? I’m just not happy with it, especially compared to my cuff-down picot hems. I’m thinking of ripping it out on the first sock, actually, and maybe doing a lace rib cuff instead. I don’t know. What do you think? What would you do? I have a long time to go before I worry about it; I’m still on the foot. It’s lovely soothing stockinette but definitely I’m not fast right now.

Just as well.

Maybe today I’ll make good progress on the sock; it’s another day of cross-state travel as I’m seeing the surgeon today for a check up.

Three weeks ago today, can you imagine? It seems like a thousand years ago to me.

Except for the stitches. They’re not all gone, you see, and these so-called dissolvable stitches are driving me mad. I’m so glad they’re all going to be removed today. Not a moment too soon, for sure.

these socks are made for walking

Right about now, Chris has either completely forgotten that she dyed these for me, or she’s nonplussed at the non-knee-highedness of these.

But there’s a reason. Or there was. Or there were.

Let me back up. These socks were started last November. And then I knitted them to the heel by thanksgiving. Then I put them down and had torrid affairs with other projects. And then December 25th, I picked up one of them, put them on two-sizes-too-large-needles by accident, noticed this problem two days later when um…. I’d knit five inches of leg. Threw the sock in disgust and stuffed them into the closet for months.

Poor neglected socks. I was mad at them.

Last March (I know! I waited this long to blog them!) I had an inspiration one day, and decided to bind them off and make them ankle socks. Why? Three reasons. The first, obviously, was to kill off the project and have socks. That part? Successful! Two, I prefer ankle socks when I take “serious” walks outside, and owned no handknit ankle socks…. That part? Well, I’ve got the ankle socks but two months later still no gopower for the walks. Someday! Someday!

The third part? There’s this chevron scarf by Debbie Bliss in Scarf Style and um… I really wanted to use the leftover yarn for it because stripedy chevrony goodness in two of my favorite colors from one of my favorite people! How could I lose!

I’d meant to knit it the day I learned I needed surgery, but I decided to be a nervous wreck instead. So they’re still balled up and I’m still planning.

But someday I’ll be walking, and someday I’ll have the scarf. Right? Right.

saturday sky

This picture? Kind of cracks me up. What is Picasso thinking? He’s leaned and stretched over in quite a particiular way, isn’t he?