Yesterday, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I can’t say I was entirely surprised, but it is hard. No amount of surgery will fix it, and that’s a concept that I am making a conscious effort to wrap my mind around. The doctor also mentioned that I had extensive nerve damage in my face and hands. I guess I knew that too – a hot water bottle that’s filled with literally boiling hot water just feels warm on my face. But it is quite another thing for someone else, essentially a stranger, to point out these two things and name them, and in naming them, making them a conscious part of my life.
I’m not sure where I go from here.
I admit I’m afraid.
I told the doctor I would do anything to feel better, and that’s the truth.
March 14 I go to the ortho,to discuss having surgery done on my left arm… again This time to rotate my radius bone so that it faces the right angle and stuff. Right now it is facing 4 degrees negative when it should face 9 degrees positive, which is a 50 degree deficiency. It may not be the solution to my arm pain issues, but I have to try. I realize the surgery is major and risky, but in doing nothing for the arm since the ulnar shortening short having PT on it twice, I haven’t improved. And to me, that’s a problem. I can’t swivel my arm properly, can’t do basic things with it, definitely can’t dye yarn.
Thing is, if this deficiency was there from the beginning, that would make me very angry as the ulna itself was set too high from the beginning, that’s why they had to do surgery to shorten it in the first place. Having had my arm set improperly has affected my life in every way possible, and that’s something I have a hard time thinking about.
I admit I will be upset if the surgeon says no to the surgery. I want to try everything possible short a wrist fusion to try and make things feel better and function better. I know I’m never going to be the same again, but I do want to be at a place where I am at peace with my arm.